You’ve really done it this time. You’ve finally racked up.enough hours jerking off in the bathroom on company time for me dangle exposure over your head. You wouldn't want to become the center of a companywide investigation, to find out where time, money and resources were going. I could turn you in so easily, but since I’ve also had the displeasure of finding out you make more than me just for being a man, I’ve decided your paycheck will now go to ME, at least 80%, and you will work harder, get overtime and raises and all those bonuses and extras will be mine, as long as you want me to keep your financially exploitative stroking out of HRs email.